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Follow Chris, Project 1.27's Executive Director, and his wife Sarah as they adopt a child from foster care, too!
January 17, 2008
Dear Friends of Project 1.27,
December 23, 2007 was the one year anniversary of Jalaya moving in – coming home. She has grown and changed so much – it is truly like watching a flower bloom. But perhaps the biggest miracle has been not in just Jalaya’s heart, but in my own as well. How could we both be so different in a short 12 months? In my final post, I would like to share with you some parting thoughts from two girls who have been changed “for good”.
SARAH
I am learning so much about unconditional love (1 Cor. 13):
A love that is patient – enduring suffering when I have the ability to retaliate
A love that is kind – compassionate deeds towards the one who harms me
A love that does not envy – those whose adopted children that seem “easy”
A love that is not proud – it is only through Jesus I can be the parent I want to be
A love that is not rude – when others do not understand
A love that is not self-seeking – willing to follow God’s plan, and abandon mine
A love that keeps no records of wrong – Oh, Jalaya, how can any of us stand unaccused?
A love that rejoices in the truth – even when learning it is painful
A love that always protects – I will not abandon or betray you, my daughter
A love that always trusts – I look for the best interpretation of your words/actions
A love that always hopes – I believe that God has amazing things in store for your future
A love that always perseveres – A love that is not based upon the condition of the one loved, the circumstances existing or the likelihood of its desired result.
This last one – perseverance - is by far the greatest lesson. You can’t fake perseverance. I’ve discovered you can only choose to live it – or reject it – when you need it. And that’s when I know I’ve truly reached the end of myself, and my love becomes strictly an extension of God. And that’s when it becomes beautiful.
JALAYA
Each child in our family has daily chores. JJ’s right now is “help with dinner,” which means set the table, help serve dinner, clear the table, etc. As we were working together today, she said, “Mom, I have to tell you something in private.” I bent down so she could whisper it. A flash of uncertainly raced across her face. “Well, I think I’ll just tell everybody together at dinner.”
The closer dinner got, the quieter Jalaya got and she seemed lost in thought.
“Mom, I want to make tonight’s dinner special. Is that okay?”
“Sure. What do you want to do?”
“Use special cups and napkins.”
“Okay, pick out what you want.”
She went to the cupboard and pulled out plastic cups and some “Happy Birthday” napkins. She carefully filled each cup to the tippy-top with ice water and placed the napkins exactly centered on the plates.
“Mom, I have something I want to say at dinner, and it’s very special. So can you make Ethan be quiet?” I finally looked her square in the eye. She was clearly nervous. I saw fear. This is serious, I thought. “Jalaya, I will make sure everybody listens to what you have to say, okay?” I gave her a hug.
We sat down to eat and prayed as usual. The children were all talking giddily and JJ sat there looking down. “Are you ready?” I quietly asked. She swallowed hard and nodded.
I cleared my throat with much exaggeration. “Hey, everyone. I need everybody to be quiet and listen to JJ. She has something very special to say.” Amazingly, everyone was still and all eyes were fixed on Jalaya.
“I know you all don’t know me very well yet, and I don’t know you all very well yet. But, I have something to tell you…” she twisted her hands together and paused as her eyes filled with tears. I instinctively reached out to hold her hand. She grasped it firmly and took a deep breath.
“I just want you to know that I am still scared. I get scared if you yell at me or don’t play with me. And then I get mad. And sometimes if I get mad it’s just ‘cause I’m scared. And I’ve never had a mom and a dad and brothers and sisters before and I’m afraid you’re gunna die. And sometimes I yell at you or hit you and be’s mean. And you don’t know me very well yet…”
The tears were now flowing from her eyes and splashing onto her plate. I motioned to her to come sit on my lap. She did.
“Sometimes, I be mean on purpose. Sometimes I listen to the devil and he tells me to do bad things. And, I lie to you. When I tell you about my dreams, they aren’t really true. I just made them up – ” “Oh, sweetheart,” I interrupted. “No, there’s more,” she sobbed. We were all silent as she tried to find her voice.
“And, I lie about reading. You know when we are all in the car and reading books? Well, I’m not really reading because – I can’t read!” I hugged her close. To hear her be so vulnerable was breath taking.
JJ’s body seemed to sag and loosen up, as if a large weight was now off her shoulders. But, it was still hovering in the air. I addressed the table, “Who here loves Jalaya – even if she makes mistakes sometimes?” Everyone immediately raised their hand. Jalaya threw her head back in a piercing howl and buried her head in my shoulder. “We all love you Jalaya, very much. You don’t have to be perfect. We all have struggles, too.”
“Yeah,” said Hannah, “When Satan tries to tempt me I just say, ‘Get outta here, Satan!” Everyone laughed. Ethan made a joke, and quick realized his error. “Sorry,” he mumbled.
Daddy came over and gently stroked Jalaya’s head. “I’m so proud of you, Jalaya, for telling us how you feel. That means you trust us. And I’m so glad. We love you very much and you are never going away.”
Tonight, as I tucked her into bed, this was her prayer:
Dear Jesus,
Thank you that today was the day. Today was the day that I did it. And I did it for You. And I told them all my feelings. And they understood. And Ethan still be’s mean. And I give him grace. I give him grace and grace and grace. And You have to help me because I don’t know how to stop saying, “Stop!” Thank you for my family, my mom and dad and brothers and sisters. And if you help me I will be a good girl and praise You and I won’t forget to pray to You every day. Amen.
Watching a miracle,
Sarah Padbury
P.S. Prior to living with us, Jalaya had been diagnosed with RAD (reactive attachment disorder), ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). Some would say there is little hope to overcome such a diagnosis… Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.
Read other parts of the Padbury's adoption story |
