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Follow Chris, Project 1.27's Executive Director, and his wife Sarah as they adopt a child from foster care, too!
Part 6 (March 27, 2007)
Dear Friends of Project 1.27,
It’s spring break and Jalaya and I have some fun plans: got her hair braided, went to the orthodontist (yes, she thought that was fun), had ice cream at Wendy’s with her caseworker...Tomorrow we are going to the Denver Art Museum (it’s free this week!) and we have a play date with a friend later in the week...Last week her sibs were off and she had to go to school – bummer for her. But now that the roles are reversed, well, she’s pretty happy about the whole deal!
Jalaya has been at her new school for about 4 weeks, and so far so good. That means I don’t get phone calls to come pick her up anymore. It doesn’t mean that school is happy-go-lucky for my little girl. Now that she’s in a “contained classroom” she’s learning that she has to stay at school – no matter how she behaves. A contained classroom is a fancy designation for a small class size (8-12 kids), 3 specially trained teachers, and a very, very structured setting. Actually, it’s like a day treatment program. The teachers are consistent with expectations and are dedicated to seeing Jalaya succeed – to where she can reintegrate into the regular classroom. I am encouraged that this will eventually help her settle down and feel secure at school.
This is one example of the SUPPORT Chris and I have had during our adoption process. I cannot tell you how vital having good support is to having a thriving experience – and ultimately a successful adoption. Now by “good experience” I don’t mean that everything is fun and easy. If you’ve read my previous posts, you know that at times adopting an older child from foster care is very overwhelming and stressful. This is precisely why you need support. Jalaya’s been home only 3 months, but I’m not sure we’d have had the stick-to-it-ive-ness that it takes to see the beauty through the ashes if it hadn’t been for our support system.
Here are some of the things that have been the most helpful:
- Encouragement – The biggest help of all has been those who have written, called and emailed their encouragement to us. They didn’t wait for us to call, but reached out to hold our arms up. Some have been friends and family, but even some remarkable strangers have done the same. Those who have adopted an older child and are a bit further down the road than we are have been especially able to relate. About two times a week I re-listen to a simple voicemail on my answering machine that was left over a month ago. It’s from an old friend who adopted an older child from a Chinese orphanage and is dealing with some of the same attachment issues we are. “Hey Chris and Sarah, I was just thinking about you guys and wanted to tell you to hang in there during the tough days. ‘Cause there are tough days. So remember that we love you – and hang in there!” I have printed-out emails in my office and even in my bathroom that I re-read almost daily. I keep everything from the one-liners to the Bible verse listings on perseverance. To know you are not alone and things will get better is like being given a glass of water in the desert.
- Prayer – Many have prayed for our family in person, over the phone or email, and I’m sure silently at times I’m not aware of. To know our “case” is constantly before the throne of the King of Kings – wow. What more could you want? He is our strength and stability.
- Meals – During the first few weeks Jalaya was home we had 6 “congratulations” meals brought over by friends or from the “official” Project 1.27 meal team. More than once it was when I just didn’t think I had the strength to boil water, let alone make a meal. What a blessing to not have to plan, shop and cook those nights!
- Financial Help – We’ve been given some money anonymously a couple of times which arrived with miraculous timing.
- Parents – Both sets of our parents went through the Project 1.27 training so that they could understand how this adoption is different from our infant adoptions. This has helped them be empathetic and truly allowed them to embrace Jalaya. My in-laws bought us a DVD player for our van so that Jalaya can tolerate long distance driving (anything greater than 20 min. is long-distance for her!). We used it for the first time this weekend to go to the mountains. It worked!
- Support Group – We attend the Project 1.27 T.A.L.K. Group (support group) once-a-month. It’s good for Chris and me to be with people who are “kindred spirits” on this journey. Our older three kids attend the kids’ support group. The kids get to talk with other kids who are going through the same thing they are: integrating a new child into the family. At first they were surprised that their experience was not unique. They came out bubbling about how the other kids encouraged and prayed for them during this transition. They now look forward to the monthly “reports” to the kids.
- Date Night – One friend offered to be our “complimentary” babysitter for a twice-a-month date night. Now THAT is a God-send! She went through training and is careful to implement our rules/plans with the kids. We so appreciate her consistency and our children recently announced that she is their favorite babysitter of all time! Wow! And best of all, Chris and I are able to recharge and reconnect with each other on a regular basis. If we are strong, we can be strong for our kids. (By the way, it took about 3 dates for us to be able to “connect” and actually have a good time. So if you implement this – be patient and don’t give up! It’s too important!)
- “Professional” Help – Jalaya’s caseworker has been a huge blessing and resource as we strive to learn about Jalaya, do paperwork, and figure out Medicaid. I’ve also been impressed with the people on the other end of the phone at Medicaid – very helpful. And of course Jalaya is in therapy. Her counselor is a person with a lot of experience with kids being adopted from foster care – which is allowing her to reach out to both Jalaya and our entire family as we seek to bond. I’m so thankful we have these resources!
I’m sure I could think of more examples, but I just wanted to give you a taste of the SUPPORT we have received. The Colorado counties can recruit adoptive families, but they can’t recruit a support system for them where you get the practical help listed above! This is where the Body of Christ comes in – and in our case, I believe God is pleased. He knows He has asked a great deal of us, and He also knows that we cannot do it alone.
Martin Luther King, Jr.’s last speech was about the Good Samaritan. He said, “The question the Samaritan asked himself was not, ‘If I stop and help this man, what will happen to me?’ The question he asked was, ‘If I do NOT stop and help this man, what will happen to him?’”
To those who have stopped to help us, help Jalaya – thank you. May God richly bless you for your kindness and compassion. I ask you to continue to hold us in your prayers, and reach out to us as you have the time to do so. We need you and appreciate your commitment! This road still has a long way to go before “stability” sets in…I may not be able to write enough thank you notes or reply to every email, but please know that I thank God daily for your support and love.
Today Jalaya road her new bike without training wheels for the first time. GO GIRL! Chris video taped while I clapped and cheered. Watching her “catch up” in what she’s missed out on in life is a joy. Thank you for helping to make it possible.
In Him,
Sarah Padbury
Read other parts of the Padbury's adoption story |
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