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Follow Chris, Project 1.27's Executive Director, and his wife Sarah as they adopt a child from foster care, too!
Part 4 (January 4, 2007)
Dear Friends of Project 1.27,
Jalaha came home to stay on Saturday, December 23, 2006. I drove our van to her foster home where we loaded up all the clothing and toys she owned. As I closed the back hatch of the van, I couldn’t help but compare her volume of “belongs” to my other children…Christmas presents will never look the same again.
I took pictures of Jalaha with her foster parents and the other 4 foster children in the home. The other kids were a bit sullen as they dutifully carried boxes out the door. What a strange, confusing way to live…Jalaha gave each person, and the dog, a hug good bye. Then she bounced out the door and called back to Mary, her foster mom, “Good bye, Mommy!” Mary gave me a tired smile, “It’ll take some time.” To her, I’m just the next Mommy in line.
The next day she had her first experience of holding a little lit candle while singing “Silent Night” at the Christmas Eve church service. Chris and I were a bit nervous with our 5 little ones surrounding us with fire – but thankfully the worst that happened is my pants got covered in wax drippings…
The first few days were filled with the busyness of Christmas, and the stress of so many new things. Jalaha got overwhelmed time and again, and besides that – she wasn’t so sure she wanted to mind these new grown-ups in her life. I have been kicked and scratched many times over, screamed at (“I don’t like you!”) and told, “This is my house! You’re not the boss!” by a very defiant, frightened little girl…and if she finds she cannot hurt me with her words or her fingernails, she turns on herself and slices up her hands or arms or face – whatever she can reach until I stop her with a long, firm hug, assuring her that it’s going to be okay.
For Jalaha, moving into our home is like moving to a foreign country. Everything is different from what she knew before: the smells, the food, the people, the rules, the unspoken expectations, the language. Imagine moving in with a family in Poland at age six, and you think that if you don’t do it “right,” you’ll be sent back.
She often asks, “Mommy, how long will I be here?” “This is your forever family, Jalaha,” I assure her. “You will be here forever and always.” Her eyes flicker downward. “How long is that?” she murmurs. Then I sit her on my lap and give her a squeeze. “Forever is when you are six and seven and eight and nine and ten and eleven and twelve and all the way until you grow up! You will never live with another family, you belong here and we get to take care of you.” Her eyes show confusion. It clearly doesn’t make sense to her. Perhaps the concept of forever is too hard to grasp. Or maybe she just doesn’t trust that this time it's real.
There were many times over these last two weeks I was in tears – because this is hard. The Bible says, “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? …No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (emphasis mine) Webster defines discipline as “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character.”
Jalaha needs more than love defined as feeling sorry for her. We need God’s hand to teach Chris and me how to raise this broken, untrained child. The peace I crave in my home, the trust and respect I desire to see in Jalaha, and the faith and hope required to accomplish the goal – these are all things that will take time. Jalaha is not the only one learning through discipline...
As I tucked her in last night, she said, “Mommy, will I be here the day after this?”
“Yes, dear.”
“And the day after?”
“Yes.”
“And the day after?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, Mommy,” she sighed, “Good night.”
The training has begun, for all of us.
Holding onto Jesus,
Sarah Padbury
P.S. I have realized that a four-part article does not encompass our story. It has only begun. I will write again in a few weeks. We covet your prayers.
Read other parts of the Padbury's adoption story |
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